The Things We Can’t Leave the House Without

Remembering what dementia makes you forget

My brother-in-law has taped signs and reminders all over the house to help my sister be as independent as possible. My favorite is the one on the front door—a list of what she can’t leave the house without. It’s a reminder for her, but also for whoever is going out with her:

• Hat  

• Sunglasses

• Water bottle

• Pads

• Purse

• Phone

• Sweater

It can be hard to get her out the door because she worries about whether she has each item. The list is what keeps us from having to stop and recheck everything over and over. We know she has what she needs, and she does too.

When I’m with her, I turn the list into a chant. As we walk out the door, I repeat the items we have—over and over—sometimes all the way to the car. And it works. Her stress eases, and she’s able to get in without searching for whatever she thinks she’s missing, because everything is already in her lap.

That little sign got me thinking: what would be on my own can’t leave home list?

For me, it starts with Vaseline for my lips, my reading glasses, and my cell phone, which holds my driver’s license and credit cards. If I don’t have those three things, anxiety rides shotgun.

I imagine everyone’s list would look different. As life shifts, the list shifts too— adapting to what’s needed now.