A Different Kind of Grief-3

    Part 3: How We Talk About Alzheimer’s

One of my brothers’ cases of Alzheimer’s has been difficult for me in a different way than the others.

As adults, my brother and I were close. We lived about fifteen minutes apart. He called me at least once a week, sometimes more, and we talked. It was one of those relationships I never expected to change. I assumed we would always remain close.

Then a series of complicated family events unfolded. Over time, as my brother could no longer remember to call me—or answer his phone—my access to him disappeared.

That kind of loss is hard to explain.

So often I wish I could just sit with my brother.

Make him a pot of dodaddles—his favorite food. Bring a chocolate cake with seafoam frosting. Not for a reason. Not for a holiday.Just because that’s what you do with someone you love.

But that isn’t an option for me.

Not because he wouldn’t want it.Not because I wouldn’t do it.But because I no longer have access to him.

And that is a different kind of grief.

Losing the emotional or physical relationshipwhile the person is still here.